He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
