Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize