we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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