he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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