I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
