So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you made out with another girl for some wings
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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