Your face is a jimmy john
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
