There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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