we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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