Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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