brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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