We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
