i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize