I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
