I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
