You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just cut my nipple shaving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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