your parents love me but you hate me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
