Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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