the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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