Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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