I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
