I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
