I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
