ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
