I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize