I wish I could punch you in the face.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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