can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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