Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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