I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
