i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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