its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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