If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
