Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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