Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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