And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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