The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do herpes really smell.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
