my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
