Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
two words: eviction party
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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