i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
