dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
