Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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