Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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