I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
