tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize