Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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