i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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