I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
