The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
