I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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