Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
