if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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