dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
