I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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