Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
