It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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