eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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