By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
