me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want a musical about memes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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