Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
