It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize