Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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