I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize